Getting dates on a dating site

The purpose of online dating is obviously meeting the girl in the real world, and this is how you get there.

How to get a date online

If she lives close to you, let’s say, less than two hours away, you can usually invite her on a date after you've sent five to ten messages back and forth over the course of one to two weeks. You can try earlier; some girls will be ready, but most will tell you they don't know you well enough yet. You can try later, but if you wait too long, you run the risk of your online relationship becoming stale and awkward.

Where should you meet? The simplest scenario has the both of you living in the same city. Sometimes one of you lives in a city while the other lives in a less central location; if so, it'll often feel natural to have your date in the city. Or maybe you both live in equally sized towns; in that case, it's natural for the person suggesting a date to choose a location as well.

That brings us to our next question: How do you arrange a date? First of all, you should be the one taking the lead, suggesting a time, a place, and an activity; most girls will want you to. If you're tentative, always asking her what she'd like to do or looking to her for decisions, it can actually be a real turn off. That doesn't mean the girl doesn't get a say, though; most of the time she'll be happy to go along with your suggestions, but if they're not good for her, she'll make objections or counterproposals. In that case, negotiate until you find something that works for both of you.

Propose a date in a casual, straightforward manner:

"So, how bout a coffee next week? I'm free Tuesday and Thursday :)"

Or, if you're the one who has to come to her city:

"So, how bout a coffee next week? I'll be in [insert name of city] Tuesday and Wednesday anyway :)"

Suggest an activity and two different days that are convenient for you; chances are good that one of them will work for her as well. If not, she'll usually suggest an alternative. When you've agreed on the date, suggest a time and a venue; once again, she'll often look to your lead, not suggesting those details herself but rather waiting for you to do it.

Of course, sometimes girls can be more proactive, suggesting a date before you get around to it.

The same rules apply; accept if her suggestions work for you, and give her an alternative if they don't. And feel free to suggest whatever details she omitted, like time or venue, making things as convenient as you can for yourself.

Her: Sooo... you wanna grab a coffee some day? :)

You: Sure :) How 'bout Tuesday or Thursday, at [insert name of venue]? Sevenish maybe?

However, there is one particular proposition you should be wary of. From time to time, a girl will tell you she's going clubbing and suggest that you meet up; from your perspective, that's not a very good idea.

Even if you already were planning to go clubbing, the logistics of this scenario can be a nightmare. You’re going to have a hard time getting your friends to come with you to the place she’s at; she probably won’t get her friends to join her and come to you either. Moving a group of people from one club to another can be quite a challenge! And if you go by yourself to the club where she’s partying with her friends and getting hit on by other guys, you’re giving yourself a handicap. The benefits of meeting her on a date will be gone; she'll be in a club state of mind, and you'll be playing by club rules. By all means, that can be fun as well, but most people will feel it kind of defeats the purpose of online dating.

What do you do if she suggests meeting up while clubbing? Just tell her you have plans that weekend and suggest a date the following week instead. It might even have an added bonus, showing her that you're not the kind of guy who jumps at every opportunity to meet a girl.

In conclusion, asking a girl from a dating site out isn't very complicated. The hard part is the stuff that happens earlier: Creating a profile that's good enough to make her interested in the first place and a conversation that makes her want to meet you. If girls don't want to go on dates with you, the main problem is usually found in these two issues. Incidentally, I cover both of them in detail in my book.

About the author:

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    My name is Sondre and I'm an obsessive guy. I've spent the better part of a decade studying how attraction is kindled by text and images, and through interviews and experiments I have figured out how to create a profile that appeals to exactly the kind of women you want to meet. Through I have helped regular guys get extraordinary results, and now it's finally your turn!

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