How to know if she's interested

Follow these simple rules to avoid getting confused, and spare yourself a lot of heartache as well.

How to Know if a Girl is Interested

In principle, it's not really that complicated; if she sends you a message, she likes you. If you send her a message and she replies, she probably likes you; if she continues to contribute to the conversation, comment on the things you say, ask questions, or bring up topics of her own, you can be certain. If she's not really interested, she most likely won't respond; some girls will anyway, though, and in those cases the conversation will be more like this:

You: Hey :) Get anything cool for Christmas?

Her: Hm, dunno really.

You: I got one of those wake-up lamps, it actually sort of works. It's kinda like waking up in a ’70s disco, though!

Her: Well, that's something.

Why this girl replied in the first place we'll never know; perhaps playing with guys gives her an ego boost, it doesn't matter. Nothing you can write will change her mind. Some guys on pickup forums will tell you to send her a message like "You know, I've noticed something about you...," claiming that this will pique her interest; well, they're wrong. Think about it; if a girl were sending you messages, would tactics like that really make a difference? You know they wouldn't. Her profile, and especially her pictures, would be what mattered to you. Girls are the same way, even though they tend to emphasize things a bit differently; but now I'm getting ahead of myself. Crafting the right profile is a big subject to cover, I spend about half my book on it.

Anyway; by continuing to send a girl messages when she responds like this, you'll just be demeaning yourself and wasting time in the process. Start talking to someone else instead, or return to your profile and see if there's anything you could improve upon, because there probably is.

The real test for if she's seriously interested comes after the first date, when you propose a second one. A lot of guys get confused at this point, because girls can really send some mixed messages. The basic rule is this:

If she is interested, she'll take you up on your offer when you suggest a second date; even if she's busy, she'll try to reschedule, suggesting different times or activities.

If she's not interested, she might tell you directly, but that's actually kind of rare. Most of the time she'll just avoid replying to your text, or she'll even tell you that she'd love to see you again, but that she's just so very busy at this time of the year, that her grandfather got really sick or that her cat is about to have kittens. Her excuses may sound plausible, but the fact that she doesn't try to reschedule speaks volumes. By all means, you could wait a couple of weeks and try again, but if you still get one of these responses, you can forget her and focus on someone else. No matter what she's said before, no matter what reasons your head tells you that you have for hoping she'll come around. Don't waste your time waiting for her, it will only lead to pain and heartbreak.

Girl A: I'd love to, but I have a midterm paper this week... maybe we could do it next week? Tuesday is good for me.

This girl is busy, but she's trying to reschedule; she's interested.

Girl B: I'd love to, but I'm really busy with school right now!

This girl isn't trying to reschedule; if she really wanted to see you she would have, no matter how busy she was. She's not interested.

Why isn’t she interested? Some guys desperately search for the answer, but the truth is, you'll probably never know. Sure, you can ask her, but chances are she won't be honest with you. Giving you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth will be uncomfortable to her, and coming up with some white lies instead is all too easy. In fact, I'm betting you'd do the exact same thing if you were in her shoes.

There are a lot of possible explanations for her loss of interest, and some of them have nothing to do with you; the guy she's had a crush on since high school just got back in town, her ex wants to get back together, or she just decided to move somewhere else. She may think you’re a 93% perfect guy, but unfortunately she met another guy last week who, to her tastes, has you beat by 2%. In other words, sometimes things go your way, other times they don't; you just have to learn to accept that. It probably wouldn't hurt to take an honest look at your performance on dates, though; there may be some room for improvement in your flirting skills, in the way you act around girls, or in the way you dress. In my book, I spend two entire chapters on how to perform on dates, and I describe a detailed strategy for how to make your first and second dates a success.

About the author:

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    My name is Sondre and I'm an obsessive guy. I've spent the better part of a decade studying how attraction is kindled by text and images, and through interviews and experiments I have figured out how to create a profile that appeals to exactly the kind of women you want to meet. Through I have helped regular guys get extraordinary results, and now it's finally your turn!

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